If you are lucky enough, some people may come into your life and leave marks imprinted as deep as any beloved relatives. With that being said, I’d like to thank some people personally.

Because I love them. And because they’re awesome. But mostly, because they helped carry me through during some very tough days.

Miss Mandy.

My battle buddy, who PCS’d, and who I still miss dearly. Thank you for always being there for me. For helping me get through some tough moments. For your companionship and high fives. For allowing me to be a part of your family, for allowing me to love those amazing kiddos of yours, and for always knowing exactly what to say. For the endless  games of Scrabble, the good food, and knowing exactly what I was going through. And for being an amazing co-keader, of course. And an awesome seamstress (weren’t our kids the cutest that Halloween, so long ago)?!

My ridiculously amazing sister, Brenda.

You’ve come to visit us so many times, no matter where, and I’m sure even when you couldn’t afford it. I love the love you bestow on my littlest Brooks, how you love him like a Momma, and how that love has helped sustain him when the hurt of missing his Daddy was painful for him to bear. For as long as I’ll live I’ll remember the day Brooks was leaving for NTC and The Boy dropped those Neo Pets accidentally down the drain while we were waiting for Brooks to leave, yet again. You jumped in your car and visited every Burger King until you found him his lost Neo Pets, and then some. And then you overnighted those suckers because you understood the tears were for more than some plastic toys. For all the late night phone calls. For loving my little family so darn much. For the times Brooks deployed and we moved in for a few weeks. You planned outings, and trips, and even signed up The Boy for classes. It’s impossible not to miss you. I couldn’t have made it without you.

Miss Tanja.

You tell it like it is, and you love me enough not to sugar coat it. I find myself laughing every time we’re together. You would make me forget, even for a little bit, that doubt in the back of my head, the one I rarely shared with anyone, that I didn’t think I could do this. You were my sounding board, my confidant. How different this year would have been without you! And how it would have dragged on! No kite festival, no outdoor theater, no pedi’s, no fun commissary shopping trips. Let’s make sure none of those stop, okay?

And so the blog comes to an end. When I started writing I did so with the intention of keeping a virtual journal, replete with photos of our journey throughout the year. I wanted Brooks to feel as if he weren’t missing as much as he was. I wanted him to see his son, to not be so shocked by the changes several months mean for a fast growing boy. I wanted to have a sounding board, a way to make sense of all the stuff swirling through my head, day by day. I wanted to give the grief and the numbness and the roller coaster of emotions a tangibility they would have otherwise not had.

With Brooks home now the blog’s purpose comes to an end. For those who followed from the beginning, you walked with us as we prepared to say goodbye, yet again. You walked with us as I had my surgery and as my cousin’s daughter moved in. As our JayJay became ill and then later as we said goodbye to her as well. You walked with us through RandR and the painful goodbye that followed. And sweet homecoming, which was undeniably the best. And even through reintegration. Our journey was our own. And I hope, as I set out to do, that we traveled it with dignity and grace, and that we honored Brooks’s sacrifices along the way.

Thanks for reading.

As always, I remain grateful for today, regardless of the circumstances.

The very first homeschool get together I ever attended, a park day in Killeen, was not all that stellar. I’ll be honest. I’m ridiculously friendly, and outspoken. These families apparently knew each other for a while and weren’t exceptionally welcoming (I have to say, this is not the norm. Most of the homeschoolers I’ve met are incredibly kind, amazing, brilliant, and friendly people I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting – true story). But it didn’t bother me so much: Brooks was enjoying himself and I was glad to meet others that were on the same educational journey as my boy. What I remember most from that day is the fact that I mentioned the word socialization, which actually drew a reaction from all the moms, even the ones who had successfully ignored me up to that point. If I recall correctly, someone actually gasped. Super loud. And then I was given a verbal thrashing of sorts that really taught me never to use that word around homeschoolers again. They were a bit touchy about it (note, that I said they, because at that point I still considered myself separate from homeschoolers, since we weren’t planning on doing this forever).

Brooks is in third grade now, and those who have known us long enough know that for years I’ve said “next year” B will start school. And then the next year rolls around and we’re still homeschooling.

I’ll admit it. I love it. I can’t imagine our life without homeschooling. All these deployments, five in less than ten years, because really if you think about it the first year he was in Basic and AIT And then we were at our duty station a few months before he shipped out. Homeschooling allows flexibility into what has been a rather hectic military schedule. When Brooks is home we can choose to not school. If he takes leave I have no one to ask if it’s okay if we take off a week or two. In fact, we can take school with us (literally).

And I love that we are in control of what Brooks is learning. This is not to say that we keep certain subjects off the table. In fact, in this house we discuss pretty much everything with Brooks, within reason and age appropriateness, of course. We don’t intend to shelter Brooks in any way and love that he can hold his own in various subjects, including current news items. Our curriculum choices are eclectic, to the say the least.

When I tell non homeschooling friends that our school day takes about 3 1/2 to 4 hours I typically get a look, which, depending on how long I’ve known someone is either masked or not masked very well. Sometimes, if we’re on some zen homeschool thing we can get the school done in 3 hours. And if it’s a crazy day, like today, I can stick to the major subjects, take out all the “fluff” and make it in two hours. I don’t like doing that so much because we enjoy the “fluff.”

I’m not one to yell from the mountaintops the benefits of homeschool versus public school. In fact, I think it’s derisive. I’m a huge believer that most parents, most, not all (there’s always a few that spoil that statement for the bunch), have their children’s best interests at heart. Each parent parents in a unique way, perfectly in tune with their families needs, partaking in interests the family enjoys, and involved in the things that they believe deserve the most attention. I dislike when anyone tries to make anyone feel that their choice is superior and that somehow you’re just straight up wrong. What’s right for my family may not necessarily work for yours, and vice versa. But for us, homeschooling has been the best choice. And I’m thankful each day for the opportunity to educate my child, to afford him opportunities that I know otherwise he wouldn’t enjoy. And, of course, I love spending most of my day with my little one. I am me, after all.

I have no idea how long we’ll school Brooks at home. And if and when the time comes for me to send him off to be educated elsewhere, I’ll cry a bit. Or a lot.

What I do know is that when I look back at these deployments I’ll always be grateful for having had the flexibility to teach Brooksy at home, to enjoy D.Brooks when he was home, and that whenever The Man is off, we’re typically here. Vying for the door. And that first hug.

The Boy is getting bigger. He usually beats me to the door now. I’m okay with it. In ten short years I’ll probably be the only one running for the door, vying for my hug, and missing My Boy so much.

Life remains sweet, regardless of the circumstances. Even then, I’m sure, I’ll feel the same.

We have always been strict with BB. Brooks has always been more consistent that I ever was, as in consistent all the time. Nothing slides or passes by his attention. Me, sometimes I overlook things in that I speak to The Boy about them but don’t follow through with consequences because I consider The Talk sufficient. I’ve learned over time that Brooks’s way is so much easier.

And it’s so much easier parenting when he’s here with me, helping me. There’s a balance to things.

It’s the way it should be. The three of us, the way it was intended. And so I remain thankful for today, for the here and now, for the way things are.

I don’t make a fuss of the fact that we’ve done this before, and that in reality, at some point, there surely will be another again. But sometimes, the weight of the matter bears down on me, and even after, even when we’re on the other side of the fence, looking in, the emotions can rush through me and leave me breathless. And I wonder yet again, how did I do that? Of course, a good attitude, crazy amounts of love and support, amazing friends and family are key. But at the end of the day there’s something in us that dictates how the story goes. Whether or not the weight of it all will crush us or wether we’ll be able to grow stronger as a result.

The other day, as we dropped off Brooks’s uniform to be altered, the lady behind the counter marveled at how many combat stripe thingys (love how I know what they’re called after ten years!) she had to sew on. She looked at Brooks, looked at his years in service, and then looked at us. She simply said, “Poor family,” slowly shaking her head. And it’s moments like that, little unobtrusive, spur of the moment, shouldn’t mean anything moments that take me back to that first day alone, or the moment we watch him walk away from us, or the calls that even through the distance, even unspoken, we both know how much this is utterly sucking, right now.

As long as the year was, it surely went by quickly (on this side of the fence). When we were going through it it was slow at times. Maddeningly slow. But most days we kept so busy that days melded into each other and it was with relief that I would watch one week melt into the other, one month finally giving way to another. And if I must bear it again, as so many do, I’ll do so again. With grace, and strength, and loads of love thrown in for good measure.

The game started off rocky. By the first few minutes of the first quarter we were down by ten points. Little B played well when he was put in, scoring two points for his team, fist pumping as he ran down the court. He’s got to learn to be a bit more humble, but he’s been working so hard and was so proud of himself that I had a hard time not laughing at his glee. And with an amazing coach by his side (D.Brooks), I can’t even wrap my head around how much he’ll improve this year. This whole sports thing runs so much smoother when DBrooks is home to help: youtube videos can’t replace a Daddy, any way you look at it.

I woke up so tired this morning, so much so that we did not do homeschool at all. No homeschool for Brooks and there’s no way I’ll get any of my own schoolwork done tonight. I’m tired.

The Boy and I managed to learn about Rube Goldberg, though. We saw some videos of some Rube Goldbergs, read up on his life, and then tried our hand at making our own Rube Goldberg: a goldfish feeder. We haven’t finished it but we’ve got quite a few steps drawn out. Little B was all for making one together, and I was too happy to oblige.

And although I was exhausted beyond measure I got my littlest B in the car for his Friday homeschool Park Day, which he absolutely loves. I couldn’t bear to not take him when I knew he was looking forward to it so much.

We were able to squeeze in a visit with a sweet friend (my Campfire co-leader) who had recently had a baby. And I got to hold him, lucky me.

Afterwards we rushed off for Brooks’s basketball team photo.

Followed by a quick ride home for our Campfire meeting. As tired as I was I didn’t have the heart to cancel because the kiddos love the meetings so much, looking forward to meet-up days and calling to confirm. So although the bed was calling my name I mustered up some energy and taught a pretty neat lesson, we watched some Brainpop, read a book, worked on projects, had a three part competition, and sang some silly Campfire songs. And half way through I stopped looking at the time and remembered why I love leading this group so much, why I keep leading year after year. For a small moment there I forgot how tired I was.

Life remains sweet. Always.

Our only saving grace was that I got to meet up with a wonderful friend for a little bit and we hung out at the library for a good hour.

The best part, though, was coming home and D.Brooks and Little B working through basketball drills. I love seeing those two together, regardless of what it is. But when D.Brooks is coaching Little B, it’s especially good. Somehow the boy doesn’t tire of doing the same thing over and over when his Daddy is the one telling him to do it. That always makes me chuckle.

Now that all the errands are out of the way, I’m ready to welcome the weekend.

Life remains sweet.

Yes. Homeschoolers. In PJ’s. Starting school after lunch.

I’m so proud of my Little Man and how hard he works at school. Seven years into homeschooling him and I’m finally feeling like this thing is super easy: the lesson plans, the schedule, the way we each have parts we play to keep the day running smoothly.

We basically had a flip flop day.

After school Big Brooks took The Boy outside to work on his shooting, all under the careful guise of Mr. Marley, who stood at the window whinning because he couldn’t play. Meanwhile I cooked up a mean dinner, whinning in my head because I couldn’t play.

After some more free play, The Boy and I tried our hand at a science experiment involving water tension and made a Brooks inspired art project: a (hopefully) waterproof boat replete with mast and paper sail. That Child loves to cut and tape and create. I love it.

So, after a crazy slow start to our day, we finished off with a bang: bedtime stories with the dogs snuggled around Little B and yummy carob walnut date brownies for D.Brooks and me.

At this point, I say goodnight

And Brooks came home from work fairly early, which didn’t help matters because then it felt like a Friday.

I was all messed up, all day.

The Boy, however, was acting like it was a Wednesday, half way into the school week, crazy amount of energy spilling over, and a zeal for everything and anything.

And in spite of the mix up in my head (and the fact that I overslept this morning), we had a great day.

We studied hard, played harder, and spent loads of time together, the three of us.

I’m not used to Big Brooks coming home early frequently. It makes me want to drop everything and spend every second with him. He comes through the door and we’re still homeschooling, that’s how early he’s been coming home lately. And every fiber of my being, well, the irresponsible ones scream that we’ve covered enough for the day. The thing is that I know that at some point these “easy” days will lead to much busier, longer days. So perhaps it’s me wanting to cherish the moments I know will soon slip away. And perhaps it’s because after so many deployments I keep expecting him to come home and inform me that he’s got orders, yet again. It’s the proverbial waiting for the other shoe to drop bit. In a way that can’t be so bad. I for one don’t want to ever get to the point that I take Brooks for granted: his presence, his companionship. I think that when we take each other for granted it’s too easy to become unkind, or inpatient, or judgmental. I would hate that for us.

Which brings us to today. I was super stoked leading into Chinese New Year. I found cute little dragon crafts for The Boy to make, recipes to cook and bake, websites to pore over to expand our knowledge of China, it’s history, it’s peoples, and it’s culture. I had the day figured out.

Homeschool. Check.

Spanish tutoring. Check.

Dragon craft making. Check.

Moon cake baking. Unchecked.

Chinese dinner making. By the wayside.

Bizzarre foods episode highlighting China. Forgotten.

Some martial arts Fist titled movie. Discarded.

Instead, we ended up going out to eat dinner, at  a Chinese buffet (B’s fave since he can gorge himself on shrimp and desserts). Whilst finishing up our meal D.Brooks mentioned that it would be fun to see a movie. The Boy made some off handed remarks that went hand in hand with agreeing that that would be stupendous while I lamely mentioned that the moon cakes were going to be unbaked, the movie unviewed, and the Bizarre Foods episode forgotten. But The Boys were so excited and really, they are so good to me that I didn’t have the heart to pout. Plus I really wanted to see this movie but I didn’t want to let on so I could have bargaining rights down the road. True story.

The movie was good. And tomorrow we’ll continue our Chinese New Year celebrations. Why not? It’ll still be fun tomorrow, regardless.