Oh, boy.

I think it’s official. My pain tolerance is nil. There is no thresh hold, there is just pain.

Today was my first appointment after the surgery. My follow-up, if you will. I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to it because I figured they would be touching my foot and it’s been so painful and uncomfortable. Thankfully, the staff at Ledger Foot and Ankle Clinic are nothing short of sweet and sympathetic. Even though I’m being a total baby about this pain they acted like I was experiencing something normal.

I’m not quite sure. When The Boy and I arrived there were two other ladies with the same or similar procedures waiting to go in for their appointment. They were smiling and chatting amicably with those around them. Me? I was locked in a ugly grimace.

Thankfully my doctor prescribed something that is supposedly stronger than the Norco. Because of my heart condition I’ve only taken one to start. My next dose? I’m doubling it (don’t worry, the instructions call for one to two tabs). I didn’t have any adverse reactions and I am in dire need of some true rest and peace from the pain.

As always my little boy was a trooper and even told me funny stories to distract me when they were messing with my foot. At one point as he was talking to me his face got this crazy look on it, and he covered his mouth with his hand. “Don’t look at me, Mommy. Not right now.” He’d been watching the doctor undo the dressings and got a good look at the craziness that is my foot right now.

Before we left for the appointment I became worried they wouldn’t give me any more pain medication. I had four Norcos left. I figured I’d take one afterwards, and at least I could space those out for the rest of the day. BAD IDEA. By the time my appointment was over I was in tears, the pain was so bad. And now, in my hand, I had a NEW prescription which only meant that we needed to make our way to the… PHARMACY.

For those of you reading my blog lately, you all know my experiences with the pharmacy lately haven’t been too great. Long waits, inability to fill prescriptions due to drugs not being available, etc. But I had a new prescription in hand, and only for Norcos at home. I had to go. So we went.

By the time we reached the window I was beside myself in pain. I managed to get out that I wondered if this medication were any better than the Norco. And really, how long would those 40 pills last, if I needed to double them up? The first thing she says to me is that she doesn’t know if they had the medicine in stock. My eyes instantly welled up in tears. And then she told me she wasn’t quite sure if this medicine was any more effective than the other.

I balled. Like… loud, racking, crazy, snot filled, saliva-filled-mouth sobs. I managed to get out, “But what will I do? What will I do? Do…….?” Seriously, I was in repeat mode. The poor woman looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her up, anything to get away from this crazy woman crying before her.

As I sat down, balling still, my better half called. I tried to clear my throat, take some deep breaths, all so he wouldn’t catch on to the fact I was crying. But then he said my name and I lost it again. Really, no pain tolerance. Poor Brooks. He calls from half way around the world and he has to hear me tell him over and over how much it hurts,””but really, I’ll be okay.” I’m not quite sure I convinced him of that.

Oh, sugar!

So I find myself, yet again, on my couch, in pain. I wanted so badly to spend some time with my boy, to play board games or read to him or do some art with him. To watch videos on Brain Pop and draw pictures. Sadly, none of that happened today. I’ve been laying trying to get over this pain, trying to get better so I can get back to my life. I feel like everythings on hold, and I really dislike that. This isn’t me; needing help with everything and feeling useless and need-less. This is really a humbling moment for me, because I’m not used to being on this end of things. So I know there’s a lesson to be learned here and I promise, I’m taking notes and trying to learn from it.

And the thing is I’m so positive about everything so I’m trying to see this as a much needed moment to relax and recharge, but the pain just isn’t letting me. I refuse to think tomorrow is going to be a repeat of today. I’m going to chalk up today to mismanaging my pain and trying to do too much.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

The pain medication will work.

That”ll be my new mantra.