I had big plans for today. Little Brooks’ best friend spent the night and I knew that they would probably sleep in. And that after cleaning up and getting dressed we’d be ready to head out the door in time for the Carnival at the Bronco Youth Center. I was right. What I wasn’t right about was how tiring the whole process would be.

I have to say, this surgery is seriously cramping my life! But I need to keep things in perspective. This is a minor surgery, albeit an inconvenient one.  It’s not a long term illness or a debilitating injury or permanent handicap. It’s a temporary annoyance which in time will be nothing but a cringe provoking memory.

So off we went to the Carnival, which I have to say was nicely planned and executed by the on post village offices. There was plenty of food to go around, lots of exciting games for the kiddos, and really cool prizes to be won. The boys began by staking out a few games that had cool prizes, and then after a quick picnic lunch, finished off any games they had not gotten to and tried their hands at the rock climbing wall.

Afterwards we headed to the playground for some old fashioned fun.

As much fun as it was for the boys it was hard moving around. At least six people approached me, all strangers, to tell me they couldn’t believe I was out. “What dedication!” they all exclaimed. Really and truly, I needed to get out of the house as much as I wanted Brooks to enjoy himself. So, no kuddos earned or needed, but I appreciated the sentiment all the same.

After the Carnival we headed to the Skating Rink on post. The boys had won free passes at a friends birthday party several weeks ago and since it was on the way home I thought it would be perfect. It was. They played about five different games and Brooks even won a prize.

So all in all, we had a wonderful day. We moved rather slow and my foot is killing me, and I’m exhausted from the effort of it all, but it was nice to get out.

After we came home Brooks and his friend were picked up so that Brooks could spend the night at Jason’s. I should be grateful, and I am, but I miss My Boy so much. The house is much too quiet; I can hear the motor in the refrigerator, the hum of the air conditioner outside, the birds chirping. I miss his peals of laughter, his easy smile, the songs sung in the bathroom, his never ending hugs. I can’t imagine the inner strength it must take for Brooks to leave us, time and time again. Because I know the measure of my sadness at the small separations. My heart would surely break at anything measurably larger.

And so I procrastinate. I have all night to miss  my little one but only a few hours to get my homework for Penn State done. And no distractions. Or excuses.

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