I’m a planner through and through. And I’m also a tad bit emotional. Okay, really emotional. I love fully, laugh loud and hard… you get the picture. So yesterday when I found out that JayJay had Lymphoma I spent the better part of a whole day in tears.

Having gone through a few deployments I’ve learned the value of allowing myself to feel sadness but to be careful to not be consumed by it. I’ve seen too many Army wives crippled by their sadness and grief at the onset of a deployment, some miserably muddling their way through a year long separation. I can’t allow my sadness, at the prospect of losing JayJay, to color the small bit of time I have left with her. And it wouldn’t be fair to Little Brooks either.

So I decided to give myself a day. A day to cry without ceasing, to feel the crushing grief of knowing I’ll wake up one morning and JayJay won’t be there to greet me with her Boxer wiggles and wet sloppy kisses. I spent the better part of yesterday curled up on the couch with her, loving on her and rubbing her belly.

All that extra sleep did her a world of good as she woke up this morning and you wouldn’t have known she’s been stricken by cancer. She was her usual cheery self, jumping around and trotting around the yard on the prowl for any wayward squirrels.

I”m glad I gave myself the freedom to grieve yesterday because it made getting through today bearable. I know as we move on from this point I’ll slowly become accustomed to the idea of saying goodbye to her and am so comforted by the fact that she’s had an amazing three years with us.

So we woke up, played hard, fiddled around with some art, cuddled the girls, and played a few rounds of indoor vertical Frisbee. BB was up to cutting a bazillion sheets of paper today, which didn’t surprise me. That child loves cutting paper. So all in all we had a great day. I’m thankful for that. For the ability, regardless of the sadness we feel, to laugh and play and be joyful, despite the circumstances.

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