RandR is crazy exciting. It’s nerve inducing. Stomach twisting. Joy inducing. Love expounding. All at once.

The thing about RandR is that it’s the perfect reprieve from the heart ache that a deployment surely brings. I know that I’m uniquely me, and I don’t try to pretend that what I experience or know to be true will hold true for others. With that being said, I know that there are a number of spouses out there who dread RandR for the heartache that the subsequent “see you later” will cause. I suppose I’m one of those that just refuses to see the glass half empty. I would rather have Brooks home for two weeks and deal with the crazy grief and heart break of seeing him leave again then the opposite alternative. Not seeing him for 12 months or longer would be devastating to me. Not impossible, by any means, but sad in every sense of the word.

With that being said RandR is the perfect time to hone those pretend skills. For example, Brooks has this awesome “rule”that we don’t count days and we don’t speak about the fact that he’s only home temporarily. We live each day for that particular day, ignoring all else, as if that day were all that matters. And really it is. This “rule” makes for the bestest (obviously not a word, just love how it sounds), most amazing, magical, spectacular RandR possible.

It’s at precisely at those RandR moments, when I’m tempted to stop pretending that he’s really not going anywhere, that I’m reminded of one of my all time favorite books/movies, in which Scarlett O’hara says the following:

“Oh, I can’t think about this now! I’ll go crazy if I do! I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

I can just hear her now. And truly that line runs through my head every time. And then I giggle.

But I won’t lie. Sleeping for any of it feels like some sin is being committed. Because knowing that those precious hours will be spent unawares kills me. I try to make it up by dreaming of him, though that hardly compares.

So today, while visiting my brother and his family in the Dallas area, I sat down and began compiling a list of fun, amazing things we could do while my beau is home. Some have been on my Texas bucket list for a while, and some have been on Brooks’s. I swear, we could live here for a lifetime and still not enjoy everything that Texas has to offer. I truly have fallen in love with this state. That’s an aside, but still.

As the countdown gets nearer and nearer to wrapping my arms around my tallest Brooks, as my heart experiences crazy arrhythmias at the mere thought of seeing him again… I am ever reminded of the reasons he does what he does and my heart swells and overflows with love for him.

Just a few more days. Joy of joys.

Advertisements