I’ll keep this blog post short only because our time with Brooks is drawing to a close and I’m going to relish every last second of it. We had an amazing day together today, as every day previous to this one has been. For once the day faded into night too quickly and I find myself dreading a new day. I’m not quite ready to see Brooks off again. How does one become accustomed to that? I haven’t yet figured it out.

At one point today I found myself choking on the anxiety provoked by the mere thought of my sadness tomorrow. The physical pain of seeing Brooks go again is unreal. How can emotional pain be so tangible, so excruciatingly raw? I don’t have the answer for that. What I do know is that I’ll swallow that grief and anxiety and move on because anything other than that would prove too debilitating and I refuse to cower under my sadness.

The hardest thing for me to bear is the truth of the matter: that my beau has willingly reenlisted twice, knowing full well it would mean so much time away from us, because of us. I’m obviously incredibly proud of him but sometimes acknowledging why he’s so far away brings me to tears.

Had I known where our journey would take us 12 years ago would I have taken this path? Absolutely, every time. Five deployments or none, I wouldn’t want to spend a minute of my life without Brooks by my side, whether he’s here or not. I’m ready to face tomorrow with every ounce of courage and strength that I have. And maybe some borrowed strength as well.